It’s not always easy to know what to say when someone tells you they’ve been sexually assaulted, especially when that person is a family member, friend, or loved one.

• Listen. Be there. Communicate without judgment .
• If the survivor seeks medical attention or plans to report , offer to be there. Your presence can offer the support they need.
• Encourage the survivor to get support. Share resources like the Survivor Advocacy Center, the National Sexual Assault Hotline and RAINN, but realize that only they can make the decision to get help.
• This page on our site details more how you can help a survivor or loved one, and how you can educate yourself.
• If someone you care about is considering suicide , learn the warning signs, and offer help and support. For more information about suicide prevention please visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  or call 988 any time, day or night.

It is important to know that there is no right way to react, and that healing takes time. If you have been sexually abused, assaulted, or harassed, it is normal to notice changes in your feelings, body, and/or actions. These changes may occur immediately or month or years later. 

Sexual assault is about the dynamics of power and control over another person, not about sexual gratification. Many sexual abusers plan attacks, target individuals who are vulnerable in some way, or take precautions to avoid punishment — demonstrating that they are capable of controlling their urges and actions.

One-third of rapes are committed by an intimate partner. Only 8% of sexual assaults against females and 15% of sexual assaults against males are committed by strangers. Most often, the survivor either knows, is familiar with, is intimate with, or is related to their abuser. More than 1/3 are family members of the victim. While it is always good to teach children about safety in public and around strangers, the truth is that they are most likely to be sexually abused by someone they know. They younger the child, the more likely they are to know their perpetrator well.

Teaching children about their body parts, how to ask for help, how to identify their feelings, rules around privacy, and the importance of consent and respecting boundaries are all proven preventative factors against child sexual abuse. Giving your children the proper names for body parts and letting them know that it’s always okay to say “no” to touching and always okay to talk about touching are the most effective ways to protect them from CSAM (child sexual abuse material).

Fact: Similar to domestic violence, sexual assault is about the dynamics of power and control over another person, not about sexual gratification.
Many sexual abusers plan attacks, target individuals who are vulnerable in some way, or take precautions to avoid punishment — demonstrating that they are capable of controlling their urges and actions.

Fact: 80% of rapes are committed by someone known to the victim.
One-third of rapes are committed by an intimate partner. Only 8% of sexual assaults against females and 15% of sexual assaults against males are committed by strangers. Most often, the survivor either knows, is familiar with, is intimate with, or is related to their abuser

Fact: 93% of child sexual abusers are people known to the child.
More than 1/3 are family members of the victim. While it is always good to teach children about safety in public and around strangers, the truth is that they are most likely to be sexually abused by someone they know. They younger the child, the more likely they are to know their perpetrator well.

Teaching children about their body parts, how to ask for help, how to identify their feelings, rules around privacy, and the importance of consent and respecting boundaries are all proven preventative factors against child sexual abuse. Giving your children the proper names for body parts and letting them know that it’s always okay to say “no” to touching and always okay to talk about touching are the most effective ways to protect them from CSAM (child sexual abuse material).

Some people never tell anyone about what happened and are afraid of being blamed or not believed. Family and friends may want to help but may not know what to do or say. Whether you were hurt yesterday or decades ago, we are here to support you.  We offer free and confidential information and support to help survivors make decisions to support their healing.

A pattern of behavior directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to fear for the person’s safety or the safety of others; or suffer substantial emotional distress. Here are the statutes specific to New York State .

Stalkers use a variety of tactics to intimidate and scare their victims, including (but not limited to): unwanted contact including phone calls, texts, and contact via social media; unwanted gifts; showing up/approaching an individual or their family/friends; monitoring; surveillance; property damage; and threats.

In general, stalking is intended to induce fear. Harassment can still be illegal, and annoys, disrupts, and disturbs the intended person(s) to a point of having to change their behavior. This can be because the actions can create deep discomfort or impact a person’s reputation online. This is where there can be overlap with cyberstalking, and it is important to discuss the details with a trained advocate.

Many victims struggle with how to respond to their stalkers. Some victims try reasoning with their stalkers to placate them, hoping that “being nice” will make it stop. Many victims minimize their experiences of being stalked, telling themselves “it’s not that bad,” or that they’re being “paranoid.”

Sometimes, because a pattern of behavior does not rise to the level of legally defined stalking or harassment, a survivor may feel that they can’t do anything. Even when there may be a legal gray area, you can still:

• Document the incidents in case they escalate
• Consider your security options, such as cameras at home and in vehicles
• Notify family, friends, and employers of the situation
• Reach out; understand that you’re among many who have struggled with stalking behavior, and have found ways to cope.

Trust your instincts. Victims of stalking often feel pressured by friends or family to downplay the stalker’s behavior, but stalking poses a real threat of harm. Your safety is paramount.

Call the police if you feel you are in any immediate danger. Explain why the stalker’s actions are causing you fear.

Keep a record or log of each contact with the stalker. You can use this log  as an example. Be sure to also document any police reports.

Save evidence when possible. Stalkers often use technology to contact their victims. Save all emails, text messages, photos, and postings on social networking sites as evidence of the stalking behavior. You may also want to consider how to use your technology and your devices in a safer manner. For more information, please visit the National Network to End Domestic Violence Safety Net Project’s Tech Safety Site .

Get connected with a local victim service provider who can assist you in exploring your options as well as discuss safety planning. Learn more about the services we provide at SACFL.

Stalking can be a confusing and difficult crime to recognize, categorize, and understand. While some of the behaviors that make up the crime of stalking are criminal on their own (like property damage), some may not be. Even if the behavior is not a crime on its own (like texting excessively), it may be part of the pattern of stalking behavior and you may want to consider documenting and reporting it.

Adults and minors may be victims of human trafficking. From the Polaris Project : Human trafficking occurs when a perpetrator, often referred to as a trafficker, takes an Action (induces, recruits, harbors, transports, provides), and then employs the Means of force, fraud or coercion for the Purpose of compelling the victim to provide commercial sex acts (sex trafficking) or labor/services (labor trafficking). 

You may be a victim of sex human trafficking if you…

• Have a controlling parent, guardian, intimate partner, or “sponsor” who knows about, manages, and/or encourages you to engage in commercial sex. They may also not allow you to meet or speak with anyone alone, or may monitor your movements, spending, or communication.
• Are participating in or being made to participate in commercial sex (sex or sex acts for money) and are under the age of 18.
• Want to stop participating in commercial sex but feel scared or unable to leave the situation.
• Are participating in commercial sex but were reluctant to do so or felt pressured into it by someone else.
• Are made by a parent, caregiver, or other individual to engage in sex acts in order for them to get drugs, money, or housing.
• Are engaging in commercial sex in exchange for housing, safety, clothing, food, drugs, medicine, or anything needed to survive (survival sex).
• Have a “pimp” or “manager” in the commercial sex industry.
• Are pressured into performing sex acts for money at your place of work (strip club, massage parlor, cantina, etc.).

You may be a victim of labor human trafficking if you…

• Are living in dangerous, overcrowded, or inhumane conditions provided by your employer.
• Feel pressured by an employer to stay in a job or situation you want to leave.
• Owe money to an employer or recruiter or are not being paid what you were promised or owed.
• Are living and working in isolated conditions, largely cut off from interaction with others.
• Do not have access or control of your passport or other ID documents because your employer is holding them or keeping them from you.
• Are being threatened by your boss with deportation or other harm.

In both Sex and Labor Human Trafficking, there often can be one compelling force which prevents them from leaving their situations: Fear. Threats from their trafficker of economic, shelter, or immigration insecurity can overshadow what we can think of as “normal” or “safe.” In the case of Sex Human Trafficking, there may be elements of emotional grooming or other forms of manipulation which emotionally coerce the person into not fully realizing that they have been trafficked. For Labor Human Trafficking, the incurrence of debts to their trafficker or those in the trafficking network normalizes the labor into a way of life.

Being trafficked is a complicated, dangerous, and unique situation. It involves force, fraud and coercion. There is no one right path or way to get out of trafficking. Plans to exit trafficking situations need to be tailored to each individual, and our advocates at the Survivor Advocacy Center of the Finger Lakes will work with you to make a plan that addresses your unique safety concerns and needs.

• Difficulty sleeping
• New or worsening problems at school or with peers
• Sudden changes in behavior
• Strong emotions or emotions beyond what the situation would warrant
• Anger problems, aggression, tantrum, and/or impulsivity
• A lack of physical and/or emotional boundaries
• Depression, anxiety, or withdrawal
• A return to bedwetting, thumb sucking, etc.
• Fear of a certain or specific person (especially if the child knows they will be alone with that individual)
• Skipping school, or running away
• Substance use/abuse
• Self-harm, eating disorders
• Attempting suicide
• Writing or artwork that is unusually sexual or indicates a knowledge of sexual activity unexpected for the child’s age
• Excessive sexual curiosity, masturbation, or promiscuity that is not common or expected for the child’s age
• Seductive behavior toward adults or peers

• Bruises, cuts, or other physical injuries that are unexplained, excessive, or occur frequently
• Signs of weight loss or malnutrition
• Excessively worn/damaged clothing, consistently dirty clothing, or clothing that does not fit properly or is inappropriate/inadequate for the weather
• Lack of personal hygiene including being unwashed for several days, poor dental hygiene or excessive dental issues, or a lack of grooming
• Unexplained headaches, stomach aches, vomiting, fainting, or blackouts
• Bedwetting or soiling (especially if the child had previously grown out of these incidents)
• Loss or gain of appetite and/or weight
• Injury, itching, pain, or soreness in the genital or anal area
• Torn, stained, or bloody underclothes
• STIs or vaginal discharge
• Pregnancy

• A refusal to respect the child-set limits
• Insisting on hugs, touching, kissing, tickling, etc. even when the child resists
• Overly interested in the child’s physical or sexual development
• Insists on uninterrupted time alone with the child
• Spends most of their spare time with children rather than with peers
• Buys the child expensive items or gives them money for no reason
• Frequently walks in on the child in the bathroom or times when the child might be dressing/undressing
• Asks the child to keep secrets about time they spend together

The staff at the Survivor Advocacy Center of the Finger Lakes are here to support children and give them the tools they need to begin healing. We are also here to support you and your family during this critical time.

If you suspect a child you know is experiencing abuse, call our hotline (800) 456-1172 today to talk with someone who can help right away. You may also report abuse by calling the NYS Child Abuse Hotline at (800) 342-3720.

While noting the common signs and symptoms of abuse, they are not always the same for all children. It is critically important that if you have good reason to suspect abuse, that time is of the essence. The child may not be forthcoming, nor may understand that what happened is abusive. That’s why adult guidance is critical. You play a lifesaving role! If you are unsure, that’s why we are here.

Please know and understand that all of our staff are mandated reporters under New York State law.