…to a friend who you think needs help. Tell them you’re concerned for their safety and want to help. Not sure what to say? Check out this helpful article .

Acknowledge their feelings and be respectful of their decisions.

Nor is it ever their fault. Everyone deserves a healthy, nonviolent relationship.

Abusive relationships are complicated. Your friend may feel bonded or loyal to their partner despite the abuse. For many different reasons, your friend may choose to stay even if they recognize the abuse and want it to stop. Putting down the abuser, focusing blame on them, or telling your friend to “just leave” could all make your friend feel the need to defend their abuser or feel that you are judging them. It’s important for your friend to know that they can still confide in you and count on you, even while having complicated feelings for their abuser.

Remember that the dynamics of abuse are complicated and there may be many elements you do not know about or understand. Trust your friend to know what is safest and best for them in the moment. Also, your friend is currently experiencing having power and control taken away from them by their abuser. Forcefully telling them what they should do mimics the actions of their abuser and may make your friend feel unsafe or further disempowered.

to resources in their community that can give them information and guidance. Remember, loveisrespect.org , a national resource, can help.

Telling your friend that if they don’t leave their abuser, you can’t be friends anymore may seem like it could motivate your friend to leave. However, people end up staying for many complicated reasons and often go back to abusive relationships many times before leaving for good. Understand that leaving is often a process. When you give a survivor an ultimatum, you may be taking away your support from them at a future point when they are ready to leave for good.

If they break up with the abusive partner, continue to be supportive after the relationship is over.

…or post negative things about them online. When this happens, the abuser feels a loss of control/power and most often responds by increasing violence and abuse toward their victim.

Even when you feel like there’s nothing you can do, don’t forget that by being supportive and caring, you’re already doing a lot.

• Listen. Be there. Communicate without judgment .
• If the survivor seeks medical attention or plans to report , offer to be there. Your presence can offer the support they need.
• Encourage the survivor to get support. Share resources like the Survivor Advocacy Center, the National Sexual Assault Hotline and RAINN, but realize that only they can make the decision to get help.
• Be patient. Remember, there is no timetable for recovering from trauma. Avoid putting pressure on them to engage in activities they aren’t ready to do yet.
• Encourage them to practice good self-care  during this difficult time.
• If someone you care about is considering suicide , learn the warning signs, and offer help and support. For more information about suicide prevention please visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  or call 988 any time, day or night.